


X Rated Heart

by ObsidianRomance



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 15:33:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the following prompt by jokers_sanity from spnkink_meme: Jared and Jensen had originally written sappy, lovey-dovey vows which don't really 'suit' them, but they don't really sound like something they'd say in real life.</p><p>And then, Jared gets the idea to throw the pre-written vows away, and speak from his heart/mind. Enter the dirtiest, raunchiest wedding vows ever dared uttered in a church... and at least one has to mention the size of the other's dick and how great they are in bed :P</p>
            </blockquote>





	X Rated Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Versatile!J2, rimming

Jared’s head is a complex place sometimes.  There are so  many thought paths and ideas, sometimes the wrong ones link together and make him do something like what he is going to do right now.

Jensen’s going to kill him.  Or just lower his eyebrows and smirk at him.  Or join right in alongside.  Okay, so maybe Jensen isn’t going to kill him, but his mother certainly is and she’ll no doubt have help from his soon to be mother-in-law.

But Jared can’t help it.  Pissing people off is a chance he has to take because his brain is already set on ditching the wedding vows he and Jensen wrote for each other.

Writing vows was one of the most frustrating, uncomfortable, cheesy things Jared has ever done.  Seriously.  Sitting in a room and trying to express just what he feels for Jensen in a few sentences is practically impossible.  There really aren’t words.  He wishes he could just smile and press Jensen’s hand over his beating heart and he knows Jensen will get it.

The problem, though, is that the rest of the church won’t.  No one could possibly understand the feeling of completeness that comes as an end result of Jared and Jensen being paired together.

So he’s told he has to write words.  Sentences. Vows.  They all sound completely Hallmark or inspirational poster.  They don’t sound at all like him or Jensen.

They don’t sound beautiful, dangerous, exhilarating, frustrating, sexy, safe, funny, and devoted all at the same time.

He knows Jensen’s had just as difficult of a time coming up with his own vows because while they both agreed to keep their vows secret until the day of their actual wedding ceremony, Jared’s heard enough books go flying against Jensen’s office wall to know his fiancé hadn’t had much luck coming up with something decent either.

The things is, Jared loves Jensen.  He loves him enough to do this stupid vow thing anyway.  Truthfully, it isn’t either of Jared or Jensen’s choosing.  Their parents have been on them since word leaked about their engagement and they’ve somehow be conned into having a traditional ceremony.  But Jared loves his parents and Jensen’s too so here they are, in tuxedos, trying to spit out the overly emotional lovey-dovey shit that doesn’t really suit either of them.

It’s exactly why, with the priest staring expectantly at them and a church full of loved ones waiting for the predictable exchange of vows, Jared takes a sharp left turn and remembers that today is about him and Jensen, not their parents.

He’s been thinking too long and the priest clears his throat while raising both eyebrows at Jared.

“Jay…” Jensen utters as a word of caution while glaring at Jared.

“Ohh…umm…yeah.  Sorry.”  Running a hand though his hair, Jared turns to their guests and gives a sheepish embarrassed smile.  Their audience laughs and “aww”s him, which makes Jared laugh under his breath.  If only they knew what he had planned, they wouldn’t find him so cute.  He makes a show of composing himself and looks at Jensen.  In ten minutes they’ll be married and that shift from fiancé to husband it making his stomach bubble over with excitement.  Jensen looks…spectacular.  The tuxes weren’t such a bad idea because Jensen looks a little ‘secret agent’ and a lot ‘walking wet dream.’

It’s good inspiration for what he’s going to do.  And Jensen must know he’s up to something mischievous because he cocks one eyebrow and tilts his head just enough to let on that he’s picked up some subtle change in Jared’s mannerisms.  He looks up at the church’s elaborate ceilings and knows he’s going to hell for this.

“Jensen, I promise to love and care for you, and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love. I will always be honest with you, kind, patient and forgiving.   And I promise to fuck you – hard – every night, just the way you like it, you know…when I’m deep enough for you to taste it.”  There is a wave of gasps from the crowd and Jared thinks he may have just stopped the priest’s heart because the man is staring at him like his mouth doesn’t work.  He’s frozen and Jared plans on taking advantage of that.

Jensen stares at him wide eyed, but he’s not angry.  It’s clear that he’s only shocked because his expression melts away into a curious sigh and smirk.

Licking his lips, Jared tries to get the rest out.  “And I do want to go to bed next to you every night, Jen.  I wanna hear the way you say my name after I’ve fucked you silly, I want to tell you how much I love you.  I promise, I’ll never stop trying to make you happy.  I’ll never stop making you moan loud enough so that our neighbors know exactly how happy I make you.  I will always make you come first, and often, regardless of if you’re fucking me or I’m buried deep in your sweet ass.  I’ll lick you open and stretch you out – I’ll take my time with it too – so that my big dick never causes you anything other than pleasure.”

Jensen smacks his lip and none too discreetly adjusts the front of his pants.  When he finally gets words out, they are rough and heavily laced with arousal.  “Well…you are big…”  Licking his lips, he twitches them up into a sexy smile.

“Damn straight I am.  But most of all, Jen, I promise to be faithful to you.  I promise to come home to you every night and wake you up with blowjobs amazing enough to make your eyes roll back, like the one I gave you this morning.”  Someone makes a high pitched sigh and Jared thinks maybe his great aunt just fainted.  “And I'll drink you down because, god Jensen, I love the way you taste.  I always will.  I love the way you smell and how you’re all musky and spicy at the same time.  I love all of you and you can’t begin to understand how lucky I feel that you are standing here, wanting to marry me just as much as I want to marry you.”  Despite being the dirtiest thing Jared has ever said in a church, it’s absolutely true.  Things aren’t just about sex between him and Jensen but the vows seem real.  They’re raunchy but they get across how desperate they are to seal themselves to each other for life.  He’s probably crazy, but his eyes feel damp and he tries to brush the feeling away with the back of his hand.

“Jared…”  Trailing green eyes over Jared’s form, Jensen catches sigh of the straining fabric at the crotch of Jared’s tux and it’s clear that he likes it.  Clearing his throat he looks out at the horrified guests watching them and laughs out loud.  “Jared, in your eyes, I have found my home.  In your heart, I have found my love.  You are my breath, my every heartbeat.  You are every fantasy I’ve had.  Even in high school, I used to jerk off thinking about you and your abs and that V of muscle leading down between your legs.  I used to come without even touching myself when I thought about fucking you for the first time.  And then, Jay, when we finally did?  I knew you were my home.  I promise to kiss you like I need your lips more than air.  I promise to ride your dick so hard that you won’t be able to see straight.  And, Jared?  I love having your dick inside me.  I love the way it stretches me and leaves me feeling so full.  You’re so fucking huge and the best lay I’ve ever had – I’ll ever have – and I can’t wait to spend many more years with you getting into more trouble.  I promise to do that 69 thing you like even though I don’t.  And I’ll squeeze and lick your balls until you’re so hard it hurts and then I’ll hit your prostate on every thrust when I finally fuck you.” Shuffling, Jensen rearranges his arousal again but he’s running out of options because it's thick with blood and obvious to everyone in the church.  “I’ll break laws for you.  I’ll fuck you in public, right up against a building where anyone could see me slamming into your ass hard enough for you to see stars.  I’ll pant filthy sexy things in your ear and coax them out of you.  I’ll always give you my dick, even if I make you beg and you beg so damn pretty I –”

“Jensen!”  A woman stands up, completely red faced with anger burning in her eyes.

Both look at Jensen’s mother, her glare burning through both of them and they know there will be hell to pay.  They look at the rest of the guests.  The ones that aren’t angry look like they are about to die from inappropriateness or burst into flames.

Jared is sure that if the priest had a fire hose line to the holy water, he would blast them back to kingdom come.  He’s beet red and having difficulty breathing.  Hijacking the wedding vows was one thing, but murdering the priest is another.  Jared needs to get out of there before he has to answer for more than just broadcasting their sinful pleasures to the church.  “Can we skip to the whole ‘I now pronounce you wedded’ shit?”

The priest mumbles something and it sounds close enough to “I now pronounce you husband and husband’ for Jared to slam his lips against Jensen’s.

For all their raunchiness, the kiss is passionate and intense.  Wrapping his arms around the small of Jensen’s back, Jared pulls him in close enough so that Jensen arches backwards, closes the gap on their height by standing on his tippy-toes and seals his lips against Jared’s.  They don’t break for a long while but people are still too shocked from earlier to attempt breaking them up.

Kissing his new husband, Jared hums contentedly and lets his arms leave Jensen’s back so that he can cup the man’s face and kiss hard enough in hopes that Jensen understands how much he means to him.  He thinks Jensen’s got it because the man brushes closer and their arousals makes contact, dragging a moan from both their lips.

Fucking at the alter is probably not the best plan right now but there is a limo waiting right outside the church that has potential.  Grabbing Jensen’s hand, Jared practically trips over himself in his haste to run down the aisle.  Jensen’s laughing for the entirety of their escape, his cheeks are flushed and alive by the time Jared throws him into the back of the limo.  It takes two seconds to close the gap between the two of them again, lips battling for dominance and Jared realizes the needy panting he’s hearing is actually coming from both of them.  “God, I love you, Jen.”

“Love you too.”  Jensen rolls so that he is sitting with his feet planted firmly on the floorboards and his back flat against the seat rest.  Jared is on top of his lap, bracketing Jensen’s thighs with his own.  “I liked your vows.”  He bucks his hips up and shoves their arousals together.  “I _really_ liked your vows.”  He runs his hands under Jared’s tux jacket and moans while kneading into the muscles there.  They’re kissing so hard that both of their lips will be bruised when Jensen snags Jared’s bottom lip in his teeth and growls.  “If you’re serious…make good on that third vow.”

Breathless, Jared can barely think with his proper head.  “What was that again?”

“The fucking me with your big dick thing.  Let’s do that.  Now.”  There is a rush as Jensen’s hands work at warp speed and do a sloppy job of trying to get Jared’s clothing off.  In the end, they both end up disrobed enough to get the deed done but the tuxes are going to need some serious dry cleaning.

Jared gives his husband – his fucking _husband_ – a devious smirk and yanks both of his legs wide before tugging him so that his ass hangs off the actual bench seat.  “How about we do vow number nine first?  The licking you open one?  ‘Cause, Jen?  I really want to eat your ass after all those pretty little things you said in front of everyone.”  He strains forward for a second to kiss Jensen’s lips, catching the love drunk hazy look in his eyes on the way.  “Then I’m going to fuck you so hard the church bells won’t even drown us out.”  Without giving Jensen a chance to respond, Jared shoves his new husband’s legs up and open, licking a wet stripe over his twitching entrance.

“Oh! O-oh…Oh!”  Jensen melts into the seat and holds himself open even wider.  Fisting his dick with one hand, he tenses his abs so he can look down at Jared working between his legs.  “Tha’s right.  Work to prove you meant those vows.”  Jensen’s words end on a pleasure drenched moan.

With a calculated probe of his tongue, Jared thinks pissing off his entire family for the sake of what he and Jensen have right now is something he can deal with.


End file.
